Hospitality to Sexism is a Cancer of Community.

Two years ago, Idaho House of Representatives rejected a $6 million federal grant geared towards increasing access to early education and child-care. The grant would have benefitted the Idaho State Board of Education, allocating funds for child-care and early education for kids ages five and under. Idaho is a red state. "Trump Country." A "pro-life" county.

A lawmaker in opposition of the grant made a sexist rebuttal of the vote, stating, “I don’t think anybody does a better job than mothers in the home, and any bill that makes it easier or more convenient for mothers to come out of the home and let others raise their child, I don’t think that’s a good direction for us to be going, we are really hurting the family unit in the process.” So, the "family unit" is harmed when children have access to education, or is this (once again) patriarchy talking about controlling women?

While the public issue is about funding for education, the ethical issue is the sexist views and gender bias that has surfaced from state representatives, those responsible for approving education funding in the public arena. The “good” being protected shifted from education to that of defining roles within a “family unit”, causing outrage from the public who protect diverse perspectives and promote a commitment to ethical communication.

Can a community host an ability for diverse people to thrive when the leadership (legislators) are sexist? Yes, but sexism is a cancerous communication, and a healthy flourishing community does not tolerate its presence.

As a former single mother, my “family unit” represented me and my child. Every choice I made, as a parent, was in responsibility of protecting the independent sustainability of our family. The choice to homeschool was not an option, as solo parenting is not valued (read: funded) in this nation. But the opportunity to enroll my child in full-time kindergarten, and early education programs, gifted me the opportunity to reduce costs of childcare while my child engaged in mind-developing activities and I worked full-time in my trade, providing 100% of our family needs.

This state legislator's othering protects and promotes the “good” of the family unit, but from a standpoint of ethics rooted in religious ideology that defines a traditional, gender-normative depiction of “family unit” where mothers stay home with children. In this ideology, solo mothers are forced to carry shame in being outside the "norm." This narrow-minded opinion of a “family unit” is a narrative one may choose for themselves, but cannot force into public acceptance, legislated into law, or presented as "common sense”.

In Idaho, sexist communications surface as a result of slow progress and too little diversity, creating a monologue of false standards, competing narratives, and only reveal a leadership that is out of touch from the needs of an entire community. It is important for public dialogue to remain centered around the common ground of the “good” in question, to prevent unethical communication to deter the public from the matter at hand. In this case, the dialogue for education funding was publicly overrun by sexist ideology that has no business in the governance of public policy. When we refuse to face our dysfunctions, and acknowledge the harm they cause, we are actively participating and perpetuating them.

Many unifying values and uniting principles get lost within the othering of fundamentalist ideology and unethical communication. How can we stay alert to these dysfunctions of community and diseases of democracy? We must commit to active listening. We must grow increasingly capable of identifying the words, phrases, and communication practices that promote othering.

When we refuse to face our dysfunctions, and acknowledge the harm they cause, we are actively participating and perpetuating them.

Feminist theorists and cultural critics are devoted to this work. We listen with ears perked to the sounds of division. We look with eyes peeled for signs of supremacy. Our senses are well-rested and in-tune. We pay close attention to the quality of care over women, children, the marginalized, and the oppressed. What is "good" for a whole community must reside central to the intersections of a diverse people. And what is a community without the inclusion of *all within it? An exclusive cult.

He's Just Not That Into You: Dating the Workplace

Hey girl, let's talk about your relationship... with work.

As the majority of business executives are white, heterosexual men, the workplace culture remains a "he" and can offer similar red flags when looking for a committed work/life relationship.

Conceived from an episode of Sex and The City, Greg Behrendt’s 2004 book, He’s Just Not That Into You, kindly prompted doe-eyed love-struck women to pay closer attention to red flags of unhealthy intimate relationships. Behrendt showed up as a big brother type, a supportive, empowering, dad-persona, in an effort to help women snap out of it and stop being willing to date men who have little intention of investing in the relationship.

Nearly 20 years later since Behrendt's book changed the dating game, women are willing to tolerate less, expect more, hold independence, remain outspoken, and claim their confidence. The truth is: empowered women love to see a generation of empowered women living their best lives.

Now, with relationships in check, let's talk about another highly important relationship. A relationship that consumes nearly 80% of the day, takes up real estate in the mind, guides dreams, and has the power to determine the level of a woman's stability and self-sufficiency: the workplace.

Behrendt says that when a guy is into you, he lets you know it, both verbally and non-verbally. I say the same goes for the workplace. If they are into you, you'll know it. You may even fall deeper in love with your work, increasing your peace, joy, well-being...and bank account.

Hey girl, does Mr. Workplace even deserve you?

While the patriarchal workplace can be a dangerous place for women, a place of systems where wage gaps, glass ceilings, sexism, and dead-end jobs snag the ambitious, Lutgen-Sandvik's employee abusive organization theory, and McPhee's communication constitution of organizations theory, illuminate communications that reveal who and what a company really is. Together, and parallel with Behrendt's framework, women can pay closer attention to the signs and symptoms of unhealthy workplace culture.

From onboarding, job expectations, shared missions, and advancement opportunities, well-informed decision-making is essential. And it is the well-equipped woman, the girl who’s paying attention, who will best model the way for what a healthy work relationship looks like. What girl doesn't want a professional relationship with her workplace that bustles with opportunity, burgeons with advancement, and secures a sustainable future - not only for herself, but for the women around her.

Since we are no longer tolerating the dysfunctions of an imbalanced intimate relationship, let's look at improving the health of our relationship with work.

Read the zine for research and shared experiences for spotting a toxic workplace culture, identifying cancerous communications, noting red flags, and what to listen for when interviewing, training, or asking for a raise.

If your workplace is "just not that into you", find somewhere that is.

He's Just Not That Into You: Work Edition (Zine)

-Melinda

Going up: Creating infrastructure for women and leadership.

As a strategist, mother, and mindful leader, I look upstream to understand why some women do not pursue processes or positions of leadership. While the influence for young girls to envision themselves as capable of achieving their ambitions first begins in the home, creating a vision of unlimited possibilities in the workplace is crucial for young women to begin the developmental process of “seeing it to be it”.

It does not matter if she is a barista, a retail clerk, an intern, or an assistant. It does not matter if she works locally, at home, or within a global corporation - every industry is capable of hosting the leadership and responsibility of forging pathways for girls to self-discover their potential.

Why girls? Because we live in a patriarchal nation. Young boys and men are often encouraged early on to consider their future, their impact, and how they will provide as "heads" of a household. Young girls are not as often invited to share in these future-minded dialogues. Societal norms, gendered roles, and adopted belief systems are most responsible for keeping young women small, quiet, and destined for singular purposes. Women are complex. And when society embraces her complexity, it grows more determined to establish the infrastructure capable of supporting her abilities to thrive, under multiple, and intersectional, circumstances.

"As a parent, I cannot think of a more responsible reason to bring a human into this world other than to support the flourishing of a life's full expression."

Business owners who desire to use their resources to bring about societal change become business leaders. Business leaders host the capacity, the systems, the opportunities, and the commitment for helping turn ambition into a thriving and flourishing ecosystem - for men, women, and families.

Here are three ways business leaders can create an environment that supports human flourishing:

1. Sponsorship. Mentorship is often recommended for women as a supportive advice-giving role, whereas sponsorship is reserved for young men. Sponsorship offers the resources to actualize a vision. Mentorship is often relational and communicative, whereas sponsorship is action-oriented and can include the possibility of an investment opportunity. It’s the difference between thoughts and prayers (for emotional support) and policy and change (for actual advancement).

2. Clear organizational flows. Organizational flows include onboarding, skills development, collaborative opportunities, and guideposts to advancement. These structures host unique junctures for shedding light on potential, unearthing passions, and exposing multiple paths forward. If there is no path, or the path is not illuminated properly, self-actualization is harder to practice and roads turn into dead-ends. The obstacle of a “glass ceiling”, where upward mobility is visible, but out of reach, the “labyrinth” of tangled up pathways, or the “glass cliff” of being hired to nurse an organization back to health, stand less chance of derailing a determined young woman when they are presented as sure and steady from the get-go.

3. Strategic evaluations. Performance reviews are not just about job performance, they host a prime opportunity for engaging in dialogue with the whole employee. Strategic questions about organizational goals can transition to personal and professional goals - laying the groundwork for leadership to establish a fellowship, where young women’s work is more than just a means to organizational success, but a mutually beneficial relationship that can both enrich individual productivity and enhance the collective workplace culture.

One of the hidden benefits of business leaders making organizational changes to support human flourishing is word of mouth. Did you know word of mouth, even in this digital age, remains the #1 method of successful marketing? Now, think about marketing - or magnetizing - the right employee. When young adults love their job, when they feel supported, valued, invested in, and fairly compensated, not only does their performance reflect gratitude, but they are talking about how working for YOU is changing their life. They are magnetizing other high-performing employees to want to work for you, too. By having a process, a clear path, young women can begin the art of envisioning something, even multiple things, for themself.

My work within the salon/spa industry was to create an engaging assistantship program, where newly-graduated cosmetology students could onboard with us to advance their basic education, improve their skills from working, seasoned professionals, and build their business in an environment dedicated to increasing their success. Hosting this program and taking the time to create this infrastructure, positioned us as a desirable employer. And not just to any graduate, but to the most ambitious, most eager entry-level professionals.

As a parent, I cannot think of a more responsible reason to bring a human into this world other than to support the flourishing of a life's full expression. As a leader, I cannot comprehend a more responsible opportunity than to oversee an operation that champions optimal potential in those I serve. Motive matters.

At an early age, when a young girl begins to experience our patriarchal society's reaction to her voice, she will need you. When she steps into her first job, she will need you. When she begins to date, continue her education, travel the world, or serve her community - she will need you. She needs you, for protection, defense, and advocacy. Or, she will not need you at all. She will need someone with the capacity to host room for her to figure herself out, the grace to allow her to fumble with understanding, or simply to be someone who is not afraid to evolve alongside her.

Will it be you? Or, rather, can it be you? How might your role, as a parent, teacher, business owner, or community leader, create the infrastructure that supports her?

When you are ready to have a dialogue on how you can build a place for leadership, from within the space of your ownership, you can contact me here. Consulting on organizational frameworks and helping you design strategic processes that humanize your workplace, is my sweet spot.

Melinda

[resource: DeFrank-Cole, L., & Tan, S. J. (n.d.). Women and Leadership.]

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* listen to the podcast episode related to this essay HERE